Stupid cow

Dear Mr Man

Please press delete.

I have been going over your emails / texts and thinking of the time we spent together.

I have been totally out of order and unfair to you. You have warned me, treated me in away that should have left me in no doubt about how you felt about me, yet I choose to ignore all this and have relentlessly persuade you.

And I fancy myself clever!

You are living in the here and now and I am, well I don't know where the fuck I am.

I left for a reason, but that was a long time ago. You say you loved me, but heck it only took you max 4 months to get over me. So really, you couldn't have care that much.

I try, through out my life to treat everyone with love and respect. When I decided to end my relationship with you I gave you shelter and support. I always give my time, love and support to those in my life, but I am afraid that no one think I deserve any consideration or real love.

While we were together you never took time to understand how I felt about life; relentlessly you imposed your ambition on me. I do not want to be famous, I am a private person; yet your desire for fame out weighed your consideration for me. You have never acknowledged me in a professional capacity; I began to think that I had I had little to do with my mums house. Going through her things I found that I had quite a lot to do with it. But who the fuck cares, its only a bloody house.

I fear that I will never be care for. My natural optimism deserts me. I disrepair and my sadness is deeply felt.

Undoubtedly there is unquestionable physical attraction between us, something that neither can help. Making love with you is one the best things I have ever done in my life and I am truly sad and upset that I can not have your physical love always in my life.  I yearn for it. But I doubt you will want to sleep with me again. You seem resolutely unwilling to take my feelings into consideration and my feelings matter.

I fuck with my body and mind.

I am sorry that your life with Her did not work out. You must love her very much and she is a lucky person. I genuinely grieve for you, your children and her. But I also grieve for myself and feel sad that my life with anybody will never work out. Try hard as I can, no one whats to acknowledge my specialness. And I know that I am an extra ordinary human being.

I feel a great deal of affection and love for you. I love your body, I love your physical affection, but I cannot handle your indifference to me and your insistence that you hurt, life and feelings are much more important than mine. Not at all guruish I'm afraid.

You confused me and you humiliated me when I was in with you; not kind, but hay I took it like a man. I fucking hate John Lewis. I am determined to become dormant again. You are safe Mr Man

All my energies will go into my business interests. I suspect I shall be much better off being a millionairess than being love or staying optimistic about that.

Please press delete on all that I decided to share with you. You had a part of my soul which you really did not want in any case, so pressing delete will be an act of kindness to a stupid, dumb animal.

Fuck me if ever I open up to anyone again or show vulnerability, than I will be the biggest stupid cow in the whole universe. Deepak Chopra is full of crap, and the rose coloured glasses are coming off.

Life has not been kind to me; I doubt things will change. Poor fucking little me.

Not a fucking Guru after all.

Still, no mileage in unkindness, so all my love.

Extremely distressed and vulnerable Me.