Little Man
I begin to understand why our paths crossed again.
Despite having lived together for eight years and apart for twenty, neither of us has realized fully or learnt why we were and how we are now.
We do not always meet the right person at the right time. We often meet the right person but at the wrong time and visa verse.
I now believe you when you say I meant the world to you. I did not understand you before. I think I now do. What I said in the last email was just ego talk; as I am trying to become a Guru, I must learn to over come feelings of hurt.
My love for you stems from the very fact that you are childlike, and like a child you live in the moment. And like a child you need to be touched, praised and reassured; you need safety and security to be who you are. Your enthusiasm is infectious; you are tactile and affectionate and that is how you display your love. Like a child, you love when you need to be loved and are oblivious when you are focused on what you want to achieve. Like a child, your focus is totally; you exclude and live in the moment. I understand that in order to excel, one needs total focus; Architecture is your passion and focus; it is important to you; it did not mean that you did not love simply because you had ambition.
My guess is that you loved me because I made you feel safe and secure; that gave you time and energy to focus on what you wanted to achieve. Like a mother (and I don't mean this in a patronizing way, because I have been MOTHER to countless people in my life, including my own mother, who was an unruly child) I loved you, praised you, pampered to your whims and wishes and made you feel that you were the center of my world.
But at that time, while I had maturity beyond my years, my emotional maturity had not caught up with my capacity to love unconditionally, which is how everyone will love eventually. I felt neglected and unloved.
So when a another crossed my path I mistook possessiveness for deep caring; I did not realize that those who want to posses lack self esteem and want to posses the very thing they lack, that they cannot possibly love.
So I left because I did not understand how you cared. You felt betrayed because the very person whom you thought would be there for you forever abandoned you.
We both went in search for what we thought the other lacked. We neither of us understood that the lack was not in the other, but in ourselves. So we went and searched; this is how we grow, evolve and understand.
What I have learnt is that I need the physical affection of a man because I am woman and I have a body. That I have yet to learn to love unconditionally because I am still hurt by how I perceive others love me.That being vulnerable is OK even if others can not cope with it; those who can, will help me with my journey; those who can not will make me understand myself better.
That being WOMAN means loving unconditionally, and that unconditional love must include loving me.
Mr Man, you are my MAN CHILD and lovemaking Guru and teacher. Will you love my body and stay my lover and teacher while you are able to and before you meet another? Making love with you is the most right thing that my body has ever done with another body; it always has been and it always will be. My body loves your body; I know because my body is less shy of you than it is shy of me. It loves being touched by you, caressed by you. It loves being next to you, spending the night with you.
In return, I will try and love you unconditionally; not in a way that gets hurt by your childlike ways; not in the way that is possessive or demanding, but in a way that WOMAN loves. I will celebrates the very childlike qualities that you bring into my life. I will let you 'be' when you do not want to be bothered; I will be your saint. I will support you when you need support, even while I am in an emotionally difficult place myself. I can do that, because I am very resilient and I am truly woman, and it is great for me realize that.
Knowing that I can have you as my lover, teacher and lovemaking Guru will help me through the difficult times ahead.
All my love, truly XOX
I begin to understand why our paths crossed again.
Despite having lived together for eight years and apart for twenty, neither of us has realized fully or learnt why we were and how we are now.
We do not always meet the right person at the right time. We often meet the right person but at the wrong time and visa verse.
I now believe you when you say I meant the world to you. I did not understand you before. I think I now do. What I said in the last email was just ego talk; as I am trying to become a Guru, I must learn to over come feelings of hurt.
My love for you stems from the very fact that you are childlike, and like a child you live in the moment. And like a child you need to be touched, praised and reassured; you need safety and security to be who you are. Your enthusiasm is infectious; you are tactile and affectionate and that is how you display your love. Like a child, you love when you need to be loved and are oblivious when you are focused on what you want to achieve. Like a child, your focus is totally; you exclude and live in the moment. I understand that in order to excel, one needs total focus; Architecture is your passion and focus; it is important to you; it did not mean that you did not love simply because you had ambition.
My guess is that you loved me because I made you feel safe and secure; that gave you time and energy to focus on what you wanted to achieve. Like a mother (and I don't mean this in a patronizing way, because I have been MOTHER to countless people in my life, including my own mother, who was an unruly child) I loved you, praised you, pampered to your whims and wishes and made you feel that you were the center of my world.
But at that time, while I had maturity beyond my years, my emotional maturity had not caught up with my capacity to love unconditionally, which is how everyone will love eventually. I felt neglected and unloved.
So when a another crossed my path I mistook possessiveness for deep caring; I did not realize that those who want to posses lack self esteem and want to posses the very thing they lack, that they cannot possibly love.
So I left because I did not understand how you cared. You felt betrayed because the very person whom you thought would be there for you forever abandoned you.
We both went in search for what we thought the other lacked. We neither of us understood that the lack was not in the other, but in ourselves. So we went and searched; this is how we grow, evolve and understand.
What I have learnt is that I need the physical affection of a man because I am woman and I have a body. That I have yet to learn to love unconditionally because I am still hurt by how I perceive others love me.That being vulnerable is OK even if others can not cope with it; those who can, will help me with my journey; those who can not will make me understand myself better.
That being WOMAN means loving unconditionally, and that unconditional love must include loving me.
Mr Man, you are my MAN CHILD and lovemaking Guru and teacher. Will you love my body and stay my lover and teacher while you are able to and before you meet another? Making love with you is the most right thing that my body has ever done with another body; it always has been and it always will be. My body loves your body; I know because my body is less shy of you than it is shy of me. It loves being touched by you, caressed by you. It loves being next to you, spending the night with you.
In return, I will try and love you unconditionally; not in a way that gets hurt by your childlike ways; not in the way that is possessive or demanding, but in a way that WOMAN loves. I will celebrates the very childlike qualities that you bring into my life. I will let you 'be' when you do not want to be bothered; I will be your saint. I will support you when you need support, even while I am in an emotionally difficult place myself. I can do that, because I am very resilient and I am truly woman, and it is great for me realize that.
Knowing that I can have you as my lover, teacher and lovemaking Guru will help me through the difficult times ahead.
All my love, truly XOX
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