Optimism

It's spring time and I should be optimistic. 

For a naturally optimistic person I am feeling sad and a little down trodden. I try to be upbeat but can't.  It's not that I am depressed, it's just that I don't know where all this is going.

The THIS is my life. I've been in it, I've looked at it from different angles, up, down, sideways and I just don't get it (and I'm still fat!).

I have decided that I really must be the guru of my life as I know more about it than anyone else does. To be quite honest, my life is not that interesting and in fact, I would go as far as to say that it is truly soporific. And although I know that I am the guru of my life, I go to soothsayers who purport to be gurus of life in general, and, while I pay them, mine in particular.

They see good thing around me, wonderful endings to my future.  I know that this only said to make me feel better and in my heart of hearts I know that it is pure conjecture and very unlikely to be true.  There is a knowing in my heart and it says that the end will be dull,sad and disappointing. 

But I am an optimist and a very tiny little part of me is not so sure that the ending will not be a happy one after all. xx

Frustration

Life is like a loop; it goes round and round, never ending.

I once wanted a man very desperately in my life. And then I wanted him out of it. I never loved him enough when he was there and could never bring myself to utter words of love to him. 

Then I did not see him for a long time and out of nowhere he started to invade my dreams. He came in and out of my consciousness so casually and with such easy that bit by bit he took over my every waking hour.

I became shy, then angry, understanding and then totally unreasonable with him, and all this happened in my head.

The loop goes round and round. xx

Gorgeous

I have decided to work on becoming utterly gorgeous this year. This decision come about as I have time on my hand. Middle age is fast approaching and it's not looking good!

Initially, I found machines to lift sagging faces, exercise classes that promise a six pack and a pert bottom,  clubs where you confess all the sins committed in the coffee shops resturants and late nigh snacking at the fridge and get redemsion. I embraced them all with gusto

All went smoothly until the children had yet another holiday and I decided to get tough with the mess in the house. There was also the W word and yes, I mean 'work' which I had wilfully neglected in my quest for gorgeousness.

You can image that after the initially promise of gorgeousness, the reward for the time put in to achieve that elusive goal that I hardly got anywhere.

So now I wonder whether I shall ever be gorgeous again. I really sympathise with you Angelina Jolie!

In my next post I shall come up with more excuses for my ample figure. xx