What are you up to Mr Man?
I was perfectly fine, minding my
own business and out of the blue, you started invading my dreams. You
came in the night and you were tender, gentle and sweet. I felt you; I
touched you; I looked into your eyes. You felt real but you were just a
dream; you let me be in my waking time.
And then, not satisfied with being the shadowy man from the past, you made yourself real.
I
had become androgynous, happy and satisfied in my hermaphrodite state.
I was whole, self sufficient. No part of me was missing; I was father,
mother, friend and lover; I needed no one. I was the nun I have always
longed to be.
As well you know, my track record as WOMAN is littered with
failure. Meeting the real you demanded that I become woman again;
sensual, vulnerable, needy; all the hurtful things I never want to be. I
am angry about that.
I can not remember the past with my head as you do; it is my body
that remembers; every cell resonates with the intense sexuality that is
you; a sexuality that I was sure the menopausal me would never, ever
have to long for again. And that, as you may eloquently put it, is not
nice, nor lady like.
Dam you, why did you have to do this to me? Is it your revenge because I left? Or are
you are simply the innocent bystander in all of this, with a life and
body that bears no relation to who or what I am.
Why do I feel compelled to make you see who I am? Is it because I am woman again and this makes me irrational.
Please do not judge me; it's simply the way I feel.
All my love xx
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