Abuse

I am an abused woman.  I have been abused all my life.

The ones I trusted most were the ones who caused the hurt.  I hope the future is bright for me.  I can no longer bear the hurt.

Someone once said they wished they could be me.

Someone else said that I was a swan, serene to look at,  paddling furiously to stay afloat. Someone knows me better than I know myself.  How sad is that
xx

Ode to fame

I look @ your website and all I can see
Collaboration with others but nothing of me
How sad the past looks, especially for me

Was I really a lover or just a stepping stone
The truth I fear shall never be known

Consumed with burning ambition, you forgot about me

You broke my heart without really knowing
The sadness I feel is now what's showing

The benefactress xx

EDIT DELETE

There is a lot of melancholy in my heart  and it has to do with  meeting of  man from the past.

But I can not be depressed or sad for any length of time; I am a natural optimist and find depression very tedious. It does not take much to lift my spirit, so I am often content. I am strong and resilient; I am ever grateful for whom ever made me this way.

As I get older, I hardly understand the point of life; I don't mean this in a negative or suicidal way, but in the way that life is so transient. I really don't get it at all. It takes so many life experiences to shape us into who we are and the instance in our life  we should have valued and did not realize were precious are momentary and cannot often be recaptured. And in any case, they may have very little value to us now.

The certainty of youth has gone, and the only certainty I now have is that I am simply an observer of a collection of events which, to a large extent, I cannot control.

I wish life was like Word where I could, at the touch of a button, cut and paste, copy edit or delete. Or like RAM, Random Access Memory, where I can dip into the part that suit my mode.  But it isn't so what can I do?

Just wait and see how it pans out xx

Chance Meeting

Chance meetings present opportunity to resolve the past and form new friendship.

We are all different; what we are today is not what we were before nor how we will be tomorrow. No one knows what another is, what another thinks, what another feels; what their sadness is, what their happiness is, what fills their waking day.

Our feelings are not right or wrong, they are how our soul respond to another. We can choose to express them and if another has a mind to it, they can choose to either respond or ignore.

The chance for friendship came but the opportunity has been lost. This makes melancholy and sad.

Hope thing go well for you.

All my love xx

Resolved

I think I've just about cracked it. 

I know the secret of the universe.

I have conducted a suspenseful, and sometime very intense relationship, all in my head. All I needed to do was to aparate a man for a short while (I think the physical interaction lasted approx ¾ hr), then I managed to have a very personal  and carnal relationship with him by simply dreaming him, and, vola, nearly 6 months later, I believe I managed to work through a challenging relationship without involving anyone but myself. My head is never dull.

I am so ready to discard him. I haven't got time for all this nonsense

Bravo, Bravo, Bravo.

Now I can discard him, as he deserves to be discarded. You're safe home counties boy. You don't deserve me because you never appreciated me. Go forth and be famous!

 The turning point? Ignored and then acknowledged only because you thought I might still be the patron saint of careers. How true to type you are !

xx

14 April 2012

Spring clean

How shall I start the day?

Today I have decided to become fearless and brave, like the warrior Goddess Athena.

I am not sure where to start though. 

Shall I rush from universe to universe in search of utopia? Or maybe I shall ease myself into my golden age by doing a spot of tiding up and cleaning? I love cleaning, it's so totally absorbing and productive. Clear away the cobwebs. And since I am fearless and brave, no job will be too hard for me to tackle. I shall whizz through the grim and dirt like superwoman with her red cape. And when the fumes of bleach and Cif totally intoxicate my brain, and I become tired through physical exhaustion, I shan't really care about parallel universes.

And that is a really good start xx
06 April 2012

Final Notice

I guess I have used up our time for knowing one another.  Time's up for this life time.  Our chance meeting was just that.  When you said you were glad to see me again, you really did not mean.  I am sad about that.  In retrospect I wish I had used the past wisely. Still hindsight is hindsight and will not resolve my present.

I wish you all you wish for yourself; plenty of fame and celebrity.

Me, I am writing a book, it has a lot about you in it. Pure fiction? Maybe. Follow it's progress in cyberspace if you dare.

All my love

Honor Sterling xx

08 April 2012

Follow me in cyberspace

www.honorsgrain.blogspot.com